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So there we were waiting in the pub restaurant for our starters and along came the waiter with two slates, one with the chicken liver pate for my wife and the king prawn with seafood sauce for me. I asked if the current storm of the century had had a damaging effect on the restaurant’s crockery, “no sir” came the reply. Was it because it was a dry Autumnal day the sun was shining and the local roofer had an excess of roof tiles? “No sir”. Did the waiter wear a wrist restraint for his tenosynovitis owing to the senseless weight emanating from excess seafood starter orders? “Yes sir”! I blame that yet to be famous Norwegian TV chef Hissin Bloomentroll for all this restaurant buffoonery. Roof slates! What next, ‘pie in a plant pot’, ‘omelette on a hod’, ‘sizzling fajitas on a heated drain cover’? I am old enough to remember ‘chicken in a basket’ which when one applied malt vinegar to the accompanying chips, your trousers got soaked in the stuff as it seeped through the ethnically constructed contraption. People would stare as desperate men negotiated a ponderous route to the nearest bathroom with said stains whilst the aroma of malt vinegar wafted in the air!

Some see fashionable trends in strange ways; don’t get me wrong I like a bit of innovative flair but, really, chasing a dead crustacean around a roof tile whilst keeping a thinning Thousand Island dressing and a miniature plum tomato from lapping over my 15cm by 15cm receptacle is not my idea of sport!!

No such edible buffoonery will be tolerated in Ely, no sir!

Michael at Ely Computers reminded us recently that the now commonplace ‘laptop computer’ not so long ago retained the weight of a concrete block and the battery life of what seemed only a few minutes. As Michael says “laptops only appeared in the late 80’s and at the time it was perceived to be a small niche market mostly for specialised field applications. Now thankfully smaller, lighter and cheaper and more powerful they account for over 500 million sales per year” So much for a niche market.

At Sew Much To Do last Saturday they cleverly inspired others to create pumpkin inspired bags which is a change from the norm, whereby normally, pumpkins are transformed into other items. The result; a very Halloween inspired fun day was had by all.

David Clark and team tell us that they have seen change within Ely commenting that “the local market is very buoyant with houses selling within a few days, even during the summer months which traditionally have been quiet have been really busy this year and during September we saw house prices hit a record high”. That’s a spookily good treat for Halloween isn’t it?

Meanwhile, at the recent Ely Apple Festival, our friends at Hearing Dogs for the Deaf were getting to the core of things on their stall by raising over £330 via their beautifully handcrafted apples and their popular “guess the name of the puppy” competition. They would like to thank everyone for their participation and their generous support.

That’s all for this week as I have some bacon and black pudding to chase around a floor tile; that’s not a serving suggestion, I have dropped my breakfast on the kitchen floor!